Embracing Common Humanity

Embracing common humanity means recognising that no one is immune to struggles, setbacks, or feelings of inadequacy. Often, when we face difficulties, we feel isolated, as if our pain or challenges are unique to us. This sense of isolation can amplify our distress, making us feel alone and misunderstood. But when we remember that everyone experiences hardship, we feel more connected, less alone, and more able to treat ourselves with compassion.

Understanding that imperfection and suffering are universal can provide a profound source of comfort. By acknowledging our shared humanity, we see our struggles as part of the broader human experience rather than as personal failures. This chapter explores how to shift from isolation to connectedness and offers practices for building empathy toward yourself by recognising that everyone—no matter how successful, resilient, or composed they may appear—faces struggles and setbacks.

1. 1. Normalising Struggle
      Life is a complex journey, filled with highs and lows for everyone. When we encounter challenges, it’s natural to feel like we’re the only ones struggling. However, these ups and downs are a fundamental part of being human. Accepting this reality doesn’t diminish the significance of your struggles; rather, it helps to contextualise them as a shared experience, reminding you that you’re not alone.

      • Practical Tip: When you catch yourself thinking, “Why is this happening to me?” or “I’m the only one who feels this way,” gently remind yourself that challenges are a part of every person’s life. You could say to yourself, “Others also go through difficult times, and I’m not alone in feeling this way.”

   2. Releasing Isolation
      One of the powerful effects of self-compassion is the sense of connection it fosters. When we isolate ourselves in our suffering, we deprive ourselves of empathy. But when we realise that others experience similar emotions, it becomes easier to release judgment and offer ourselves kindness. Embracing common humanity means letting go of the belief that we’re alone in our pain and instead finding solace in shared experience.

Practical Tip: Reflect on times when you’ve heard others share their struggles, whether through conversations, books, or online communities. Recognise that these shared stories bring comfort precisely because they remind us we’re not alone. Allow yourself to draw from this collective empathy.

Use these questions to reflect on how recognising common humanity can transform your approach to self-compassion:

1. How does it feel to think that others might also be experiencing similar struggles?
   Reflect on a recent struggle and imagine how it might be a universal experience. Consider how knowing this might shift your perspective. Does it feel easier to offer yourself kindness?

2. How might recognising your struggles as part of the human experience help you to be kinder to yourself?
   Think about a time when you felt isolated in your pain. If you had known others were facing similar challenges, how would this awareness have affected your response to yourself?

These exercises will help you develop a habit of connecting with the universal nature of struggle, easing feelings of isolation and cultivating empathy toward yourself.

1. Shared Humanity Reflection
   This exercise helps you normalise your experiences by recognising that others face similar challenges. Choose a struggle you’re currently facing or something you’ve experienced recently.

   • Steps:

     • Identify a Struggle: Write down a specific challenge, like “I’m feeling anxious about a work project” or “I feel insecure about my abilities.”

     • Consider the Shared Experience: Take a few moments to imagine others facing this same struggle. Reflect on the possibility that many people around the world experience similar feelings of anxiety, insecurity, or self-doubt.

     • Write a Compassionate Reflection: Write a paragraph that acknowledges the shared humanity in your experience. You might say, “It’s normal to feel anxious about work, and I know many people experience similar worries. I’m not alone in feeling this way.”

   Example Reflection:

   • Struggle: “I’m feeling overwhelmed by my responsibilities.”

   • Shared Humanity Reflection: “So many people feel this way at times. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed when life is demanding, and I’m not the only one dealing with these feelings. I can be gentle with myself and take things one step at a time.”

   Reflection: Notice how this exercise affects your perception of the struggle. By seeing your experience as part of the human condition, you may feel more connected and less alone, making it easier to approach yourself with compassion.

2. The “Common Humanity” Mantra
   Create a short mantra that reminds you of your connection to others during times of struggle. Mantras are brief, positive phrases that can help you reframe difficult thoughts and keep you grounded in self-compassion.

   • Examples of Common Humanity Mantras:

     • “I am not alone in this; others feel this way too.”

     • “Struggle is part of life, and it’s okay to feel this way.”

     • “This is a shared human experience.”

   Repeat your mantra whenever you feel isolated or discouraged. This practice helps reinforce the mindset that you’re not alone in facing life’s difficulties and that self-compassion is always available.

3. Observing “Invisible Struggles”
   We often see only the positive, polished side of others’ lives, which can lead to the assumption that they don’t face struggles. This exercise helps you shift that perspective by acknowledging that everyone, even those who appear confident or successful, has invisible challenges.

   • Steps:

     • Reflect on People in Your Life: Think of friends, colleagues, or family members who seem to have it “all together.”

     • Consider Their Possible Struggles: Without assuming specifics, remind yourself that everyone has difficulties, even if they aren’t visible.

     • Internalise This Realisation: Reflect on how this perspective might change how you view your own struggles. Realising that others have challenges too can make it easier to feel empathy toward yourself.

   Example:

   • Reflection: “I tend to think my colleague is always confident and calm, but I don’t know what challenges she faces privately. This realisation helps me remember that I’m not alone in my own struggles, even if I don’t see others’ difficulties.”

4. The “We Are All Human” Journal Exercise
   Keep a journal dedicated to reflecting on moments when you feel isolated in your struggles. Use it to explore how embracing common humanity might shift your perspective.

   • Steps:

     • At the end of each day, reflect on any moments when you felt alone or overly critical of yourself.

     • Write down how others might feel in similar situations. You could also note any conversations, stories, or quotes you encountered that remind you of shared humanity.

     • For example, if you felt inadequate at work, write about how common it is for people to feel this way in challenging situations.

   Example Entry:

   • Moment of Isolation: “I felt like I was the only one who didn’t understand the project discussion at work.”

   • Embracing Common Humanity: “It’s likely that others were also struggling to understand. Everyone faces moments of doubt or confusion, and it’s okay to ask for help.”

   By regularly practising this reflection, you’ll strengthen your sense of connection and develop a habit of seeing your experiences as part of the broader human journey.

• You’re Not Alone: One of the most empowering aspects of self-compassion is realising that everyone faces struggles, setbacks, and insecurities. This perspective eases feelings of isolation and makes it easier to respond to yourself with kindness.

• Normalising Struggle Reduces Self-Criticism: When we view challenges as part of the human experience, they become less personal and more understandable. This mindset reduces harsh self-criticism and promotes a gentler, more supportive approach to self-compassion.

• Connection with Others Builds Resilience: Embracing common humanity allows you to tap into a sense of collective resilience, recognising that we’re all navigating life’s difficulties together. This feeling of connection helps reinforce inner strength.