The Stories We Tell Ourselves: How Our Internal Narratives Shape Our Lives

We all carry stories inside of us—narratives about who we are, what we’re capable of, and how the world works. These stories are powerful. They influence our decisions, guide our interactions, and shape our emotional landscape. But how often do we pause to reflect on the narratives we’re living by? Are they serving us, or are they holding us back?

The stories we tell ourselves don’t always originate from a place of truth or clarity. They’re often the result of past experiences, cultural conditioning, and emotional wounds. Over time, they can become so ingrained that we mistake them for reality. In this post, we’ll explore how these internal narratives develop, how they influence our lives, and, most importantly, how we can rewrite the ones that no longer serve us.

The Origins of Our Internal Narratives

From the moment we’re born, we begin to create stories. As children, we observe the world around us and start to form beliefs about how things work. These beliefs are shaped by our family, our culture, and our experiences. For example, a child who is often praised for academic success may grow up with a narrative that says, “I’m only valuable when I achieve.” Alternatively, a child who faces constant criticism might develop a story of, “I’m not good enough.”

Over time, these stories solidify. We may not even realize they exist because they’ve been with us for so long. They become the lens through which we view our lives. If you’ve ever thought, “I always mess things up,” or “I’m not the kind of person who can be loved,” you’ve tapped into an internal narrative. These stories can be empowering, but they can also be limiting.

The Power of These Narratives

Our internal narratives wield immense power over us. They shape how we see ourselves, how we interact with others, and how we approach challenges. Consider the difference between someone who tells themselves, “I can handle anything that comes my way,” versus someone who believes, “I’m never going to succeed.” These stories influence how we interpret events and make decisions.

1. Self-Perception
   The stories we tell ourselves shape our self-image. For example, if you’ve internalized a narrative of inadequacy, you might interpret every mistake as proof that you’re not good enough. Conversely, if you see yourself as capable and resilient, you’ll view challenges as opportunities for growth. Our stories can either lift us up or hold us down.

2. Relationships
   Our narratives also impact our relationships. If we believe, “People always leave me,” we might unconsciously push others away to avoid being hurt. On the other hand, if our story is, “I’m deserving of love and connection,” we’re more likely to engage openly and build deeper relationships. The stories we tell ourselves create the framework for how we interact with the world.

3. Decision-Making
   The decisions we make are deeply influenced by the stories we carry. Someone who believes, “I’m not good enough to succeed,” may avoid taking risks or pursuing opportunities, even when they’re well-qualified. On the flip side, someone whose narrative is, “I’m capable of achieving my goals,” will be more likely to seize opportunities and persevere through difficulties.

When Our Stories Become Limiting

Not all stories are helpful. In fact, many of the narratives we carry are limiting, holding us back from living fully and authentically. These limiting stories often come from painful experiences—rejection, failure, or trauma. Instead of seeing those experiences as part of life’s complexity, we turn them into absolute truths about ourselves.

Common limiting stories include:

• “I’m not good enough.”

• “I’ll never be happy.”

• “I’m always going to be alone.”

• “I’m too old to change.”

• “Success is for other people, not me.”

These stories trap us in cycles of self-doubt, fear, and inaction. The problem is that, over time, we come to accept these narratives as facts, when in reality, they are interpretations based on our past experiences. They are not set in stone.

How to Identify the Stories We Tell Ourselves

The first step to changing our internal narratives is identifying them. This requires honest self-reflection and a willingness to confront the stories we’ve been living by. Here are some ways to start uncovering the stories shaping your life:

1. Pay Attention to Self-Talk
   Notice the way you speak to yourself, especially in moments of challenge or failure. Do you use harsh language? Do you tell yourself you’re not capable, worthy, or deserving? Your self-talk often reveals the underlying narrative you’ve internalized.

2. Look for Patterns
   Examine your behaviour patterns, especially in areas where you feel stuck. Do you avoid taking risks or shy away from new opportunities? Are there recurring themes in your relationships or career? These patterns can point to deeper stories at play.

3. Challenge Your Assumptions
   Ask yourself if the beliefs you hold about yourself are really true. For example, if you believe, “I always fail,” examine the evidence. Is it really true that you always fail, or have you had both successes and setbacks, like everyone else? By challenging your assumptions, you begin to loosen the grip of limiting narratives.

Rewriting Our Stories

Once we’ve identified the stories that are holding us back, the next step is to rewrite them. This doesn’t mean denying the past or pretending that painful experiences didn’t happen. Instead, it means choosing to create new, more empowering narratives based on self-compassion, growth, and possibility.

1. Acknowledge the Old Story
   Before you can rewrite your narrative, it’s important to acknowledge the story you’ve been living by. Reflect on where it came from, how it served you at one time, and why it’s no longer helpful. This step is about honoring your past without letting it define your future.

2. Choose a New Story
   What kind of story would you like to live by? Instead of “I’m not good enough,” perhaps the new narrative could be, “I’m constantly growing and learning.” Instead of “I’ll always be alone,” you might choose, “I’m open to love and connection.” The key is to craft a narrative that reflects possibility and self-compassion.

3. Practice the New Story
   Rewriting your internal narrative isn’t a one-time event—it’s an ongoing practice. Each time you catch yourself falling into the old story, remind yourself of the new one. Over time, this new narrative will become more ingrained, reshaping the way you see yourself and the world.

4. Seek Support When Needed
   Sometimes, our stories are deeply intertwined with trauma or past wounds that require professional help to unpack. Therapy can be a valuable tool in exploring and rewriting the narratives that are holding you back, providing a safe space to process emotions and gain clarity.

Conclusion: The Power to Rewrite Our Lives

The stories we tell ourselves are not static. They can evolve, shift, and be rewritten. By becoming aware of the narratives we live by, we gain the power to change them. We can choose stories that empower us, build us up, and reflect the truth of who we are—not the limitations of our past.

Remember, you are the author of your story. And with each new chapter, you have the opportunity to write something new.